A Carers Story - Pippa and Bertie

 

My husband Bertie had a phenomenal memory. He was the secret weapon in any quiz team, he always won at Trivial Pursuit. And he didn’t just remember facts, he understood them too and could explain them to me.   Wherever we went he seemed to know the history of the place. When some distant country came up in the news he knew where it was and what was happening there. It made him a very interesting man. Then Bertie was diagnosed with vascular dementia.

 

Becoming a carer for someone with dementia is a slow burn experience. At first it’s little things, he can’t remember where he parked the car, or the time he forgot he had driven to work and came home on the train. And it takes forever to get a diagnosis, because he is so smart, he passes the tests. But finally he cannot pass them anymore, and he can’t remember the day, or the year, or who the prime minister is. 

 

So, you have to take over everything. All the bills, all the admin. We had bailiffs round twice because I hadn’t picked up bills he needed to pay. Then the physical things go. He can’t remember how to mow the lawn, take out the rubbish, boil an egg, make a cup of tea, so you are now doing everything. He can’t go out alone, he can’t be left alone. Finally he can’t remember how to dress himself, use the toilet. And he is so sad, and so frightened, and you can’t make it better for him. So you are exhausted and broken-hearted every day, with no end in sight. 

 

For me the Halesworth Dementia Carers Fund provided a lifeline. Two hours a week of free respite enabled me to take an art class. Two hours just for me. And as things got worse, they provided more hours. Respite is provided by trained dementia carers from a local agency, who not only give the carer a break, but also provide stimulation and activities for people with dementia. 

 

The charity also run events and activities for people living with dementia and their carers, and, through these activities we found a community, new friends, who knew and understood what we were going through. From these new friends I learned so much about what else is out there for people living with dementia.

 

I am so grateful that I have joined the charity as a trustee, and now Bertie is in hospital I can help with the charities’ invaluable work. If you, or some one you know is living with dementia, please get in touch with us. You don’t have to worry alone.  Don’t wait till things get really bad, get in touch, we want to help.

 

For more information, to volunteer with us, or to make a donation, please email info@halesworthdementia.co.uk

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